One thing that has helped me greatly on my ‘healing’ journey, has been getting to know my inner child, and giving her space to show up, feel and be heard.
The Importance of Somatic Safety
The Inner Child can be a sensitive topic, especially if you have experienced childhood trauma or challenges, so it's important to work on and regularly practice Somatic, or body-focused practices that will help you to feel safe, grounded and present in your body; where tension and stress are reduced, allowing for more emotional balance whilst growing your capacity to explore the inner child, and other inner parts.
When I work with a client, we always start with tools for nervous system resourcing and grounding, to help the person learn how to feel into their own sense of stability and safety. When you go through a traumatic experience, trust and safety can be lost, and so for many of us and my clients, it's important that we learn how to self-soothe and self-resource FIRST; through Somatic check in, grounding, orienting, movement and co-regulation; meaning we have built up a safe and trusting relationship.
What are Inner Parts?
Our inner parts are those such as the inner child & inner critic; the worried parts, the protector parts, the perfectionist, the inner critic, the firefighters who are constantly on the go, the managers who try to control the situation, and may leave us feeling frazzled, burnt out and lacking self-acceptance and compassion. It can be really helpful to know who’s taking the reigns in your life.
For me, inner parts work has been a game changer (although incredibly challenging) as it has helped me to learn how to be more compassionate towards myself and the parts that are trying to protect me. Even though they feels like the enemy! Â
These inner parts come from a concept known as INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS, which consist of Managers, Firefighters and Exiles.
This can be a really helpful way of recognising our behaviours and where they might stem from, alongside recognising if certain needs aren't being met. We can dissect these different parts of our personalities, learn more about them, introduce them to each other, become more aware of why they show up and actually define their roles in our lives.
It can help us to clarify who's steering the ship of our life; our mind, emotions & behaviours. We aren't trying to get rid of them but work with them.
Inner Child Work
Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung were among the first to conceptualise term the Inner Child; The concept being that the young part of a person's mind or psyche can influence how they think and behave as an adult.
Inner child work is a therapeutic approach that connects people with their younger self, helping to heal past traumas, reparent the inner child and begin to unlock creativity and joy, which can become lost following trauma and traumatic experiences.
There are different types of Inner Child Archetypes, such as The Divine and the Wounded, which have been coined over the years. I won't get into that in this blog, however if you are interested, I do recommend looking into it further as it's a great way of deepening your understanding of this concept and acknowledging what might be missing or needs tending to.
Now might be a good time to look at the different ways that the inner child can show up.
Here are a few ways our Wounded Inner Child can show up in within our Adult self;
Feeling very insecure.
Feeling lonely, Isolated or abandoned.
Feeling really scared or fearful.
Wanting to ‘hide away’.
Not speaking up or feeling like you can't ask for what you need.
Procrastinating and having little tantrums and frustrations. And of course, crying. These are all ways that I’ve learnt to cope. The tantrums and crying are when it all gets too much, too overwhelming and my inner child is banging on the door!Â
Here are a few ways our Nurtured Inner Child can show up in within our Adult self;
Feeling Creative and Expressive - Confident in your abilities.
Less concerned with what others think of you.
Validating and allowing yourself to feel your emotions
Playing and laughing.
Engaging in activities you enjoyed as a child.
Displaying Emotional Intelligence.
With curiosity, do you recognise any similar behaviours in yourself, whether wounded or nurtured? Â
I didn't realise it at first, but when I started understanding the Inner Parts even more, I noticed I was merging with my inner child who was feeling scared and vulnerable. I would end up in a spiral of tears and overwhelm and quite often the feeling that I'm not good enough. Before this, I had no idea that my inner child was crying out for help.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with crying of course; it can be incredibly helpful and cathartic, however when we merge, we can end up becoming so entwined with that inner part that it's hard to get back out again. The stories in my mind are the wounds of my younger self; not feeling good enough or clever enough. We become stuck and we act from that part, forgetting that we are in fact the adult, and we revert to being that younger part that is overwhelmed, frightened or angry.
We might then struggle to acknowledge our needs, to soothe and parent that inner part that needs nurturing and guiding. We might find ourselves snapping at our loved ones, lashing out and throwing toddler like tantrums, unable to regulate our emotions or know how to deal with them.
With curiosity, do you ever notice this within yourself or others?
The Creative Inner Child
I speak of the Creative Inner Child quite often in relation to my Art Workshops for adults, as I think it can be a helpful way of approaching creativity and art, if your inner narrative is 'I suck at art'.
Children are naturally inquisitive and creative, however whether we keep hold of this does depend on your surroundings, upbringing and if art was valued (or not) in your household.
I feel like the Creative Inner Child can be that permission slip to let loose and play. To revert back to the simplicity of picking up a crayon and scribbling down whatever you wanted to express, whether it was something or nothing!
Exploring Creativity & Joy Through the Inner Child
To anyone looking to connect more with their creative side through the lens of the inner child, there are ways of doing so in a gentle and slow approach way. As I mentioned at the very start of this blog, making sure you have a resourcing and grounding practice that you can come back to is really important, especially if you have any difficult childhood experiences or memories. This won't be the case for everyone, but as an exile part, things can be forgotten about.
These are a few suggestions. If any feel 'too much' just skip them and come back to it another time.
Playful Art and Crafts - Use your favourite coloured crayons and create an abstract piece of art using scribbles and loose, simple doodles.
Creative Inner Child Doodle - Doodle what your creative inner child might look like.
Reading your favourite book from when you were a child.
Watching films you enjoyed as a child - I love rewatching old Disney classics.
Collecting Leaves - This is an autumn mindfulness practice of picking up your favourite leaves that have fallen on the ground (please don't pick leaves or flowers off trees / out the ground). The simplicity & slowness of this practice transports you to a moment of less responsibility and just being present with what is now.
Natural Intuitive Movement or Dance - Put on a silly or fun song and let your limbs move. It doesn't need to be coordinated, but do pay attention to how it feels on the inside.
Confiding in a Cuddly Toy - Whether you still have your childhood teddy, or you need to go and buy yourself one, having a cuddly toy to snuggle into and tell it how you're feeling, can be really helpful! They listen, they don't offer unsolicited advice and you can give them a big soothing squeeze.
Practicing Curiosity - No matter what your activity is, whether it's those listed above or something else, can you bring in some CURIOSITY. Curiosity inspires exploration and play, whilst creating space and allowing for mistakes and challenges. When we are curious, we ask "I wonder how I could do this in a new or different way" or "I wonder why this happens when I do this".
Lack of curiosity can come from fear; of getting it wrong or being judged, or from being stubborn and unwilling to think outside the box or outside of your beliefs.
Curiosity is key to creativity, to joy and to living life with a little more ease and less resistance.
As we come towards the end of this blog, I just want to say that I hope this has inspired you and I would LOVE to know whether you try any of these, and which ones resonate.
Somatic Safety
As I mentioned at the beginning, making sure you feel ready to acknowledge your inner child on any level, is important. We don't always know what's going to come up with inner parts work, so making sure that you have resources and tools at hand to be able to ground, connect with safety or stability in your body and know how to self-resource is super important.
When working with a Somatic Coach, Therapist or Counsellor, you also have someone there to guide you and witness what's coming up. This can be incredibly powerful & supportive!
For suggestions on resourcing tools and grounding practices, check out my blog post 'Why We Can't Talk Ourselves Out of Stress'.
Practicing these daily, helps you become aware of how your body is responding in any given situations, and recognise the state of your nervous system - Â That all important autonomic system that works to keep you alive and safe!
Working with the body and emotions can bring up deeply uncomfortable and challenging feelings, sometimes out of the blue, so this is why deepening your own understanding and connection to what's happening for you on a physiological level is super important. When you know how you are and what the response is telling you, you can make empowered choices to take care of yourself and say no when something doesn't feel right.
I will share more on this over time!
For now, I look forward to seeing you again soon; connect with me or find out more via my Website....
If you prefer face to face connection, you can head over to my YouTube channel for weekly video content - Somatic Coaching Coffee Chats.
With Gratitude, Sophie xxx
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